Christians, depression, and how to help your sibling in Christ

The Christian world was rocked by the September 11 announcement that mega-church pastor Jarrid Wilson, who spoke openly about his mental illness, took his own life. No attempt was made by the press, family, or friends to veil what had happened. In a final act directly related to his depression, the popular young Christian leader committed suicide.

Since his heartbreaking death, multiple blogs and articles have focused on the high rates of depression among pastors. For instance, see Thom Rainer’s excellent reminder at https://thomrainer.com/2018/02/five-reasons-many-pastors-struggle-depression/.

But Wilson was not only a pastor. Wilson was, first, a Christian. And if we talk only of his calling as a pastor, as if that is the only take-away here, we miss the bigger picture. If Wilson, knowing Christ, could not make it through the darkness, what hope is there for the rest of us? And how are we to handle mental illness, especially depression, when it strikes our friends in Christ?

We can do better

Sadly, evangelical Christianity has done a poor job through the centuries understanding and helping people with mental illness. We are doing better today. But not great. Christians who do not struggle with mental illness have a hard time grasping what is happening in the mind of their friend or loved one or sibling in Christ. We tend to avoid it because dealing with someone who is battling depression can make us feel uneasy and incompetent.

But worse, in some cases Christians, and, yes, even pastors, still tend to treat the mentally ill as if they are an aberration who are not as spiritual as everyone else in the church, or perhaps faking it, or perhaps not even saved.

But the plain truth is that people who are saved by the grace of Christ can suffer from mental illness just as they can suffer from physical illness. And often do. True, just like physical illness, sometimes habits of life and distance from God contribute to our sickness. But that doesn’t make it less real. Or less painful.

What you need to know, and how you can help

Mental illness is, indeed, illness. As with all illness, it is the result of living in a fallen world. So, also as with all illness, there is help and hope for those who suffer. Depression is one type, and one we encounter often. And an honest effort from you and me can go a long way in helping our loved ones who struggle with depression find the hope and the restoration they need.

So, to the Christian who doesn’t have depression, I would remind you that, frankly, you don’t know how your friend feels. All of us feel depressed, despondent or discouraged at times. But feeling depressed and having depression are not the same thing.

I get the occasional headache. I take two Aleve, wait about an hour, and I am good to go. But my wife suffers from migraines. They can be debilitating, the enemy of her routine, staging assaults against her time, productivity, and happiness at the most unwelcome moments. I zap mine. She must live with hers, managing them, forging ahead, smiling through.

 On the one hand, a headache is a headache, and no matter the severity some of the same principles apply for help and healing. But on the other hand, if I were to tell her to take two Aleve and snap out of it, I would not only display my ignorance, but I would be insensitive, inaccurate, and even cruel.

So if your sibling in Christ suffers from depression, what should you do? How can you help?

• First, practice patience and understanding (Eph. 4:2).

Encourage them, pray for them, and if needed, be the voice that holds them accountable to get help, take medication, and reach out when they are at their darkest times. And don’t give up on them. “Love one another” doesn’t mean “when it is convenient” (John 13:35).

• Remind your friend, and yourself, that the truth is God’s Word.

He defines us and our reality. Not our feelings, not our circumstances, not our illness, and not our Enemy (Prov. 14:12-13, Jer. 17:9). God’s Word is dependable, and no matter how we feel—depressed, exhilarated, tired, or otherwise–God’s truth never changes (John 17:17).

• And it is God’s Word that says they are worthy, have value, and have hope.

And tell them again, and then again if you have to, that God has not left them.

He never lets go (Ps. 42:8, John 10:28, Rom. 8:37-39). Depression is not an indication of His absence. He is present with them in the darkest night of the soul (Ps. 23:4). God has a plan even for this season, and He has a purpose for their future (Is. 43:18-19, Rom. 8:28).

And be sure to remind them that God is bigger than their depression, stronger than their struggle, and greater than their despair (John 16:33).

• And most of all, remind them to hope.

Tell your friend to anchor tomorrow in the unchanging love of God in Jesus Christ. And when you remind them that God loves them, don’t forget to tell them that, even though you have no idea how they feel, they can count on you, their friend, their sibling in Christ (Prov. 12:15, Gal. 6:2).

Because no matter how dark it gets, you’re not going anywhere.