Homeschooling, Halle Berry, and how parents can handle the stress and teach biblical values

In 2007 Halle Berry appeared on “Oprah” and candidly shared her struggles to have a child, and she reflected on her fresh interest in motherhood. She explained that while portraying a mother in the film “Things We Lost In the Fire,” she became convinced that motherhood was for her. She said the role “validated that I was meant to be a mother because every day I dealt with the character as a mother and thinking as a mother. It let me know that I must be a mother.”

Now, thirteen years down the road, she actually is a mother. And like any mother, she was pressed into service as a homeschooling parent by the coronavirus pandemic. How’s that going? Pretty much like you would expect.

On April 29 Berry told Entertainment Tonight, “It’s a nightmare for me. It’s a nightmare,” she said. “This is like a wash of a semester; they’re really just not learning anything and it’s hard.”

What’s so hard about it? For one thing, she hadn’t realized how much she counted on positive peer pressure. “I have a 6-year-old, and what I learned is that when 6-year-olds see other 6-year-olds do things, then they do things. . . At home, there’s not 25 other ones doing it.”

But on the other hand, even with the challenge of getting her two kids, Nahla, 12, and Maceo, 6, to focus on schoolwork, she’s celebrating the time with them at home. “I have enjoyed having all this extra time with them,” she said. “When I’m not cracking the whip for school, we do have a lot of family time, story time and bonding time that we don’t often get to have, so there is the silver lining.”

Welcome to parenthood, where ideals and reality collide almost daily.

It starts with the ideal. Her quip to Oprah that she “must be a mother” because a film role exposed her maternal instincts reflects the ideal. That’s a good thing. If it were not for ideals, we would never strive for greatness, humanity would be diminished, and hope would be lost.

But in this pandemic, we seem overwhelmed with the distance between our ideals and the reality. The sudden move from the public school classroom to homeschooling is causing stress and strain we did not expect–stress on families, on churches, and on work.

And, along with the strain on lives, parents feel guilty because, as parents, they think that they should embrace the chance to educate their kids and even be experts at it. But maybe it’s not going so well. Maybe its been a bit of a “nightmare.”

Here’s the problem. The work you were handed to do at home and online with your child was never designed to be managed or taught by you, or at home. Even parents who are professional educators are sweating when they think of getting those kids back online. Our public education system simply doesn’t account for parents in its structure or application—except to sell tickets or join carpools.

We have compartmentalized family and education. They have become separate institutions that compete for a child’s time, focus, passion, and values. The system we have created expects you to send your kids off for the day for their education while you earn your pay, and we have been fortifying this system for 150 years. And this system doesn’t include a concession for reintegrating the two roles. (This, by the way, is one of the reasons the homeschool movement has become popular. It eliminates that compartmentalization).

You are expected to do the job of the education system while still providing a paycheck and building family and doing all these things on the schedule that the culture has created for you, and be good at parenting, too.

So, Moms and Dads, if homeschooling in the pandemic is causing more headaches than hallelujahs, give yourself a break. In fact, while it lasts, embrace it. Do these four things while you homeschool through the pandemic:

• Show them how to apply biblical values.

When the schools gave you the job of homeschooling, they returned to you the privilege of adding back into that schooling your own values. Not only are you bonding with your kids, you are shaping their values, which is what parents are supposed to be doing anyway (Deut. 6:9). Avoid keeping the compartmentalized mentality of distinguishing education from biblical values. Pray before you study, openly talk about moral issues, add a biblical perspective, and challenge your child to ponder greater things (Phil. 4:8).

• Teach them how to build healthy relationships.

A biblical worldview always puts relationships first (1 Cor. 13:4-7, 1 Thess. 5:11). Certain tasks, assignments, and skills need to be completed, but don’t let that take over your relationships at home. Keep a record of this time in your life with your kids. Laugh together, take breaks together, be creative.

• Demonstrate for them how to handle unexpected crises.

Stress is not an indication of failure. It means you have a lot to do, not that you are doing it wrong. So give yourself leeway to be imperfect, and let God handle the rest (1 Peter 5:7). Show your kids how to handle tough times biblically and with grace. Remind them that we don’t always get what we want, such as graduation ceremonies or proms, but God is always faithful through it all (2 Tim. 2:13)

• Teach them how to grow in knowledge and wisdom.

Our postmodern culture values information. But that’s not the same thing as knowledge, and the acquisition of knowledge and the wise application of that knowledge are key biblical values (Prov. 2:10, 24:5). The Bible teaches that one of the most important things we can do is cultivate the life of the mind, and that’s where real maturity begins (Prov. 4:23, Rom. 12:2). So, before you study, lead your child in devotions and include scriptures that affirm the life of the mind and the biblical admonition to study. Perhaps even keep one on the computer desktop as a reminder (Prov. 4:10-13, 2 Tim. 2:15).

Intentionally shape your child’s worldview. For instance, when you study art and literature, remind your child that God created beauty and we see His hand in creation (Heb. 11:3, Col. 1:16). And when you study math, enjoy with them the timeless nature of mathematics that shows His mind at work (Jer. 10:12, Job 37:5). And instruct them that moral issues remind us that we are sinners in need of a Savior, and His love exceeds the boundaries of our imagination (Rom. 5:8).

Parents, when the ideal collides with reality, remember, you are not suddenly an educator. Through the values you teach, you have always been your child’s primary educator.

And you always will be (2 Tim. 1:5).