Last week Facebook revealed that Cambridge Analytica had mined the data of around 50 million users’ profiles due to Facebook’s lack of security, and its own complicity with Cambridge. But for five days Mark Zuckerberg and other Facebook officials were strangely absent from the media. No word on their thoughts, no declaration of alarm, no acceptance of responsibility. And no apology.

Quickly the clamor for an apology grew deafening, and angry subscribers starting exiting Facebook. Some departures, such as that of actor Jim Carrey, were noisy and nasty.

Still no word from Zuckerberg.

Then, predictably, Facebook stock tumbled. In seven days, the New York Times reported, Facebook lost billions in value. Maybe that got his attention.

On March 21 Zuckerberg apologized. Sort of.

In a Facebook post, Zuckerberg sounded a bit contrite. “I started Facebook, and at the end of the day I’m responsible for what happens on our platform,” he said, stating the obvious. And then offered that he was doing all he could to “protect” our precious data.

But people are savvier than that. Subscribers countered: You did not, in fact, protect our data. You gave it away. So how about an actual apology?

Facebook continued its tumble, so Zuckerberg got more specific. “We made mistakes,” he said, “there’s more to do, and we need to step up and do it.” Okay. Also true. But a “mistake” hardly captures the depth of Facebook’s failure.

So, finally, Zuckerberg acknowledged the reality behind this event. “This was a major breach of trust, and I’m really sorry this happened,” he told CNN.

And, yet. “Sorry this happened.” As if he had set the boat afloat and had no idea it would run aground? Still, no real effort to take responsibility.

Zuckerberg’s journey to almost-apologizing offers some lessons. He claims that Facebook’s philosophy is to “care about people first,” but he forgot that relationships are messy. People wound each other. And sometimes we need to ask for forgiveness.

And of all people, if we are Christians we should cherish forgiveness. Without it, the gospel of grace is reduced to a nice story, optimistic but void of power. So if our objective is to act like Jesus and extend forgiveness, we need to get better at asking for it as well.

What would a biblical apology look like? As believers, what should we keep in mind? Here are six biblical directives that should shape our requests for forgiveness:

  1. Remember your purpose. Your purpose in an apology is the same thing that it should be for everything else. You are not trying to prove a point. You are not trying to be the bigger person. You are not conceding or caving or calculating your loses. You have one purpose. To please God (Gal. 1:10, 2 Cor. 5:9).
  2. Remember your motivation. Zuckerberg, as with most people, is motivated by self-interest. But love and respect for the other person is our motivating principle (1 Cor. 13:4-5). Not only does love motivate us to apologize. It shapes the language, attitude, and tone of our apology.
  3. Listen closely. How did you offend the other party? Offenses vary. Seek to understand what offended the other person (James 1:19). Then be clear and intentional in your response.  Zuckerberg’s problem was not only a lack of contrition but also a failure to grasp the difference between making a mistake (“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I had done that”), a lapse in judgement (“I’m sorry I did that. I wasn’t thinking”), and an intentional offense which needs to be made right (“I am so sorry. What I did was wrong. I take full responsibility. I hope you can forgive me”).
  4. Be specific. Take responsibility for your actions but apologize only for what you have done. Own it. Apologize to those you hurt. Keep the circle of your contrition only as wide as the offense (Matt. 18:15).
  5. Take the initiative. Timing is everything. The sooner the better. The longer Zuckerberg waited after he knew he had offended his subscribers, the worse it got. Often the timing coincides with God showing you that you need to ask forgiveness. Do it then. Hesitating exposes a lack of trust in Him (Matt. 5:23-24).
  6. And then, let it go. Change what you can. Correct anything you can correct. Otherwise, the rest is in the past and you must move forward. When you apologize or ask forgiveness, you are not responsible for how other people respond. You can’t change someone’s heart. That’s not your job. Your job is to do what God asks you to do. Plain and simple. “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Rom. 12:18).
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Ritter Honeycutt
Ritter Honeycutt
6 years ago

Bob

Very direct and useful. We all, me especially, say & do thinks both consciously & subconsciously to people almost everyday that we need to apologize for. It’s easier to cast blame on others than accepting our own faults. This blog hits hard and is a great learning lesson for us all.

As always, thanks for your input and guidance.

Terry Elliott
Terry Elliott
6 years ago

I can see now what a difference a godly apology would make compared to a worldly, “natural man” response. You did a good job putting all the elements together in a persuasive way. But what a challenge too! Our only hope of doing this right is to seek the Holy Spirit’s partnership and guidance, it seems to me.