Not Feeling Grateful? Maybe This Is Why

Struggling with gratitude in the season of Thanksgiving?

Here’s a question. How do you define yourself? There are only two ways—by what people think of you, or by what God thinks of you.

Sadly, we spend much of our lives comparing ourselves to other people and trying to validate ourselves that way. And with social media, comparison-itis has become virtually an epidemic. And comparing ourselves to others, trying to please other people, does not set us free. It traps us in a life of discontent and envy. If we lack what we want, comparing ourselves to others makes us jealous and ungrateful, and if we have what we want, it makes us arrogant and selfish.

On November 13, Entrepreneur.com published a video blog by Jack Canfield, an author and entrepreneur best know as co-editor of the Chicken Soup series of books. The video has the cumbersome title, “How Comparing Yourself to Others Will Only Get in the Way of Your Happiness,” and subtitled, “Constantly looking for validation through comparison is a surefire trap.”

You could stop there, and you would have it.

But let’s drill in a little bit. In the video, Canfield offers a friendly but pointed self-improvement, make-yourself-happy monologue, which, frankly, is very good. He teaches basic truths, including, “all comparing yourself to others ever does is make you feel bad. It doesn’t help you improve yourself or make your life better in any way. . . It just steals time and energy from you that you could have devoted to something far more useful and far more productive.”

Well, there’s a dose of reality. We should all have that on the top of our Facebook pages.

But as good as Canfield’s instruction is, it falls short for the same reason many such blogs, articles, or videos do. He ignores the crucial reason we play the comparison game in the first place.

Why are we constantly comparing ourselves to other people anyway? Because we are estranged from our Creator. We are creatures who have cut the lines that tied us to our true selves, who the Creator intended us to be. When we are estranged from Him and not getting our self-worth from Him, we look elsewhere. We try to find validation from other people, who, in fact, can never validate us. They are too busy trying to validate themselves by looking at other people!

True validation can only come from our Creator, who knows who He made us to be. If we look anywhere else, we will never be fulfilled. The only comparison we should be making is between who we are and who God wants us to be.

Planted among the “tips” Canfield offers is this nugget, “what you focus on grows.” He’s right. It’s just the way God wired us. So, if we focus on what other people think of us, or what we want them to think, or what they have that we don’t have, and so on, what grows? Envy, jealousy, discontent.

So how can we stop comparing ourselves to other people and start growing in contentment, freedom, and satisfaction? We can start seeing ourselves, and other people, through the eyes of our Creator, our Savior, our Lord. Such as, “I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wondrously made. Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well” (Ps. 139:14).

Now, there’s a reason to be grateful!

So, this Thanksgiving, rather than compare yourself to other people, or try to meet the standards of this world, remember that the One who defines you is the One who made you. Facebook doesn’t define you. That snarky family member you avoid annually at the Thanksgiving table doesn’t define you. That lost job, broken relationship, or failed dream doesn’t define you.

Just God. He defines you. He loves you, and He made you for a purpose.

Gal 1:10, For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ. (NASB)